after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
