Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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