i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
