when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize