So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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