just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
