I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
