I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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