im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
