my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's just like the Real World with babies
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
