Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
