Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
