I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
