im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize