Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize