my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
