We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
