Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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