i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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