soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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