genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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