I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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