She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
