I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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