new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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