life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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