Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
