i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
