we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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