Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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