After last night, I could never be a politician.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
