I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
