I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
