I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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