I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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