oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am midnight drunk by noon
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
