He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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