I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
