so that wasnt chicken after all
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
