Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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