I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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