he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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