matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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