two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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