he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
