Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
