no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
