Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
