Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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