Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize