he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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