I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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