Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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