I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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