I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
