: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
