I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
