I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
