I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
