only you would photoshop your dick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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