She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
