just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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