Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
