my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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