felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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