3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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