i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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