i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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