I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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