Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
