I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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