Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
