They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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