I can text with my tongue
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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