angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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