ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
