sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
