I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
