He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
