Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
