i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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