Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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