remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
